Humour
The Buddhist walks up to the hot dog vendor,
hands him $20, and says:
"Make me one with everything."
The hot dog vendor takes the money.
"Where's my change?", says the Buddhist.
Replies the vendor: "Change must come from within."
Humour
The Buddhist walks up to the hot dog vendor,
hands him $20, and says:
"Make me one with everything."
The hot dog vendor takes the money.
"Where's my change?", says the Buddhist.
Replies the vendor: "Change must come from within."
Posted 2007 November 15 @ 12:52 - filed under Outdoor Theology.
Posted 2007 November 13 @ 18:48, via Bruce - filed under Paramedics.
Posted 2007 November 09 @ 07:16.
Posted 2007 October 08 @ 12:18 - filed under Socialist Networking.
According to Vincent Maher, strategist for Mail & Guardian Online, this one's spreading rapidly. See for yourself.
Posted 2007 September 12 @ 18:21, via Brandon - filed under Cheers.
The DA should relax. Because of them, Cabinet Minister Babalaas-Msimang has had to issue a few statements recently.
"Although I was Absynthe from office for several months, I wish to remind you I Amstel the Minister of Health, am not a dictator but I Amarula and I will continue to Rum the department of health," she stated, announcing her return to office.
When quizzed on the health, she mentioned she had recovered well. "Of course I am well," she retorted, "I am more than well – I am OKWV! Ask a stupid question, get a stupid Hansa."
Despite being asked about her new liver, she made no reference to the Morgan transplant.
President Mbeki has rallied around his friend: "She has my Absolut support. This is why I wiped that silly Smirnoff her former deputy's face!
"The opposition will not be able Tequila career."
Let's face it – no matter how many times the DA has stirred she appears unshaken, and despite her career seemingly being on the rocks, the Minister is still a Mainstay of the ANC government.
Posted 2007 September 07 @ 15:15 - filed under Movies.
Posted 2007 May 22 @ 15:01, via Fritz - filed under Tales.
A priest entered his donkey in a race and it won. He was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the next race, and it won again. The following morning's newspaper announced:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT
The bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the priest not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the local newspaper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the priest to get rid of the donkey. The priest decided to give it to a nun from the nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the charitable gesture, posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN
The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey. She sold it to one of the farmers for £10. The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR £10
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, take it out into the back woods and release it into the wild. The next day the headlines proclaim:
NUN ANNOUNCES: HER ASS IS FREE
The bishop was buried the next day.
And the moral of this tale? Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery. Worry about your own ass, not someone else's; you'll be a lot happier and live longer.
Posted 2007 May 14 @ 10:05 via CS - filed under Art.
Posted 2007 May 07 @ 10:14 via Bruce - filed under Research methodology.
British archaeologists have announced the discovery, in a digsite in East Africa, of the shortest straw. More fascinating details can be found on the Null Hypothesis website, which is well worth bookmarking.
Posted 2007 April 27 @ 12:15 - filed under International news.
In response to ongoing terrorist threats, the English have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Security experts predict that threat levels may soon be raised to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance". The last time "A Bloody Nuisance" warning level was issued was during the Great Fire of 1666.
Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
Italy has increased its alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs". Two higher levels remain: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual.
Posted on 2007 April 23 @ 22:48 - filed under Useability.
From the Guardian Unlimited:
Last year Bosnian robber Muradif Hasanbegovic (36) constructed a parcel and mailed himself out of Karlau jail in Austria. He has not been seen since.
Posted 2007 March 27 @ 11:15 via CS - filed under Asked & Answered.
Posted 2007 April 11 @ 09:56 via BvM- filed under Zen.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me either.
Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
Posted 2007 March 06 @ 12:00 - filed under Humour.
At a U2 concert in Ireland Bono asks the audience for some quiet. Then in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands. Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the microphone: "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies." A voice from near the front of the audience pierces the silence: "Fookin stop doing it then!"
Posted 2007 February 16 @ 10:02 - filed under Commerce.
Would you buy a used nuclear bomb from this man?
Posted 2007 January 30 @ 14:55, via Bertus - filed under Acquiring a Wife.
WARNING: This post is XT-rated. Click here if you are legal.
Posted 2007 January 19 @ 01:15 - filed under Technology trends.
Apple Computers announced yesterday that it has developed a computer chip for women's breast implants. The chip, code-named "can-can", stores and plays up to two hours of music, in various popular formats, including MP3 and CDA.
"This is considered to be a major breakthrough", said Apple CEO Steve Juggs on a Larry King Live interview, "because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them."
Posted 2007 January 09 @ 11:22, via Brandon - filed under Pets.
YouTube was abuzz the last few days with a video, clandestinely shot, showing Sadam Hussein's execution by hanging. Now, the last known photograph of Hussein's cat has been released.
Posted 2007 January 08 @ 07:38 - filed under Notice.
You know who you are. You are on notice.
Other Gentle Readers may click here to see who the culprits are.
Posted 2006 December 28 @ 11:10 - filed under Humour.
Posted 2006 December 13 @ 10:01 - filed under Satin.
I just conducted a Google search for the exact phrase "Devil is in the details", which returns about 572 000 hits. However, "God is in the details" only about 117 000 times. "Buddha" (at 46) narrowly outranks "Allah" (42), while "Jesus" just manages to appear nine times in the nitty-gritty. The Devil wins!
Posted 2006 November 29 @ 17:10, via Paul - filed under Humour.
Posted 2006 November 29 @ 06:10 - filed under Humour.
Seen outside charity book-shop, Mowbray, Cape Town. I liked the subtle touch of putting a fire extinguisher in the window.
Posted 2006 November 24 @ 15:28 - filed under Humour.
From an Anonymous Male Correspondent:
How do you know you've been observing too many nights without a wench?
When the director of the deep sky section gives you a list and you recognise the catalog numbers...
Posted 2006 November 10 @ 16:30, via Brandon - filed under News
If you consider that there has been an average of 160,000 troops in the Iraq theatre of operations during the last 22 months, and a total of 2,112 deaths, that gives a firearm death rate of 60 per 100,000 of members of the U.S. Armed Forces.
The firearm death rate in Washington D.C. is 80.6 per 100,000 for the same period.
That means that you are about 25% more likely to be shot and killed in the U.S. Capitol, which has some of the strictest gun control laws in the nation, than you are in Iraq.
Conclusion: The U.S. should pull out of Washington immediately.
Posted 2006 November 21 @ 11:10, via Maciej - filed under Humour.
Posted 2006 November 13 @ 09:55, via Bruce - filed under Humour.
Posted 2006 November 13 @ 13:45, via Gustav - filed under Editing.
Posted 2006 November 04 @ 12:38 via Brandon - filed under Humour.
Steve Irwin is glo baie opgewonde – hy't gehoor daar's 'n Groot Krokodil op pad.
Posted 2006 October 29 @ 14:31 - filed under Canine psychology.
Posted 2006 August 29 @ 11:45 - via Brandon, filed under Theumourology.
It is important for those of all faiths to recognize these four religious truths:
1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people.
2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian World.
4. Anglicans do not recognize each other at Teazers.
Posted 2006 August 23 - via Gustav.
99 little bugs in the code,
99 bugs in the code,
Fix one bug, compile it again,
100 little bugs in the code.
Posted 2006 August 17 @ 10:14 - filed under Humour & AD&D.
Posted 2006 Dec 06 @ 12:45, via Wilbur - filed under Humour.
Posted 2006 November 15 @ 12:00, via Gustav - filed under Computers.
From a programming forum comes this post: "You Know You're Addicted to Coding When..". These are the ones that have or still do resonate with me:
* Triple espresso's start tasting bland
* You walk outside and wonder why the sun doesn't make a lens-flare in your eye....
* Every time you look at your clock, you see a power of 2 (6:40, 1:28, 2:56, 5:12, 10:24)
* You're pressing CTRL+S every 5 minutes, in every application..
* You end each line you type with ";", even plain english ones;
* The people you respect most you have never physically seen or spoken to, but you always bow to their knowledge.
* You look at your old code and cringe
* The first time you use another person's computer it takes you less than 30 seconds to completely disable all useless programs from running at boot and uninstalling all the ad-ware the fools had on the system.
* You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are addicted to coding.
Enjoy the full list here.
Posted 2006 November 10 @ 12:00 - via Wilbur.
Posted 2006 August 25 @ 02:13 0 via the Internet.
Posted 2006 August 25 @ 02:21 - via Bertus.
Posted August 25 @ 15:05 - via Ivor - filed under Blah
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To jump-start the transformation process of your own website, we'd like to share three invaluable resources.
Alex of h-master.net starts you off visually with a bang. Then, taking the bull by the horns, emptybottle.org tackles the nitty-gritty of your nett business plan, while at hownow.brownpau.com Paulo injects even more buzz.
Posted 2006 August 26 @ 23:48 - via the Internet.
Keywords: Humour
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